I Miss You
by Avada Cait-davra
Summary: Remus misses Sirius terribly after his death. Songfic- "I Miss You" Blink 182 RLSB T to be safe. I really am bad at summaries.


Another one-shot. Remus missing Sirius after that night in Order of the Pheonix.

**Disclaimer.** I don't own Harry Potter, or Blink 182, or this song. If i did, Sirius would be alive, and the video would make much more sense.

I Miss You.

_Hello there, the angel from my nightmare, the shadow in the backround of the morgue. The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley._

Remus awoke, for the third night in a row, from a nightmare about him. It had been a week since losing him. One week exactly today. It had come as a surprize to all of them...but had it really? Remus always knew he would go fighting. He always knew he would go protecting Harry. And himself.

But that did nothing to make it any easier. He missed him terribly. Remus always woke up praying it wasn't real, praying it didn't actually happen. But it always ended the same: Sirius's side of the bed devistatingly empty. Remus had nothing to do but smother his face in the other man's pillow. His scent stil hung on it. Dog and his human musk.

_We can live like Jack and Sally if we want, where you can always find me. And we'll have Halloween on Christmas and in the night we'll wish this never ends, wish this never ends._

They had been lovers since their fourth year, when they were young and stupid and wreckless. They hadn't told anyone until they had become more mature about it, late in sixth year. James and Peter had been...surprized to say the least, and Sirius's parents had disowned him, right around Christmas. But that didn't matter, it had started a new tradition.

Every Christmas, the two of them would stay up in the common room much later than anyone else, dressed in Halloween costumes, as Halloween was Sirius's favorite holiday. Sirius always brought him chocolate, and they ate it together, sometimes out of each others mouths, sometimes not going to bed until long after everyone else had awoken.

_I miss you, miss you._

Remus couldn't do this anymore. It was tearing him apart inside. Everything anyone said to try to make him feel better, ended up making him cry. He hardly came out of his room. He knew this wasn't what Sirius would have wanted him to do. But really, he couldn't help it. He couldn't stand to be around those people. Those people who wanted to pretend like they knew how he was feeling, when they had no idea at all. None.

_Where are you? And I'm so sorry. I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight. I need somebody and always, this sick strange darkness comes creeping on, so haunting every time._

It was his fault, in the long run. He should have tried harder to convince him not to go. That Harry was fine. That the Order could take care of it. He knew that it would have been in vain, but it would help him sleep, knowing he had tried to keep his only love safe. It was all his fault.

Every dream he had now became a nightmare, Sirius the main actor. They were never bad, until he woke. While he was sleeping, they were the most pleasant moments since he lost him. They were never complicated. Him and Sirius in a medow, Sirius fixing a bright yellow flower in Remus's hair, against his protests, saying it complimented his eyes. Him and Sirius just looking at the stars, Remus pointing out his favorite constilation, and Sirius asking him why it was his favorite, Remus replying "Because your star is in it, love."

But those days were long and forever gone. Just like him. And when Sirius awoke, all there was was darkness. No one to calm his tears, no one to put their hands around his neck and kiss his fears away. No one even for him to talk to, not like he could have talked to Sirius. There was just an empty bed, and an unused pillow next to him.

_And as I stared, I counted the webs from all the spiders, catching things and eating their insides. Like indescision to call you, and hear your voice of treason. Would you come home and stop this pain tonight? Stop this pain tonight..._

Remus stared at the ceiling, his eyes red, blurred, and puffy. He watched a spider delecately spinning its web above Sirius's corner of the bed. Sirius had told him to kill it the morning of the day he die- Remus couldn't bring himself to say the word. Sirius had told him to kill it, and he said he would before they went to bed that night. Remus couldn't kill it now. It was all he had.

All he wanted to do was hear Sirius's voice one more time, even if it was a little annoyed. Annoyed that he hadn't killed the spider. And Remus could answer him, faking annoyance: Why don't you kill it yourself? And Sirius would shudder and say: You know I hate spiders. And he would crawl into Remus's arms, and refuse to leave until he killed the arachnid. So, Remus would put it off until the morning.

He needed Sirius next to him. No one else could stop the pain he was feeling. No one else could do it like Sirius did, he knew just how to make things better. He always had.

_Don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head._

He could always hear Sirius. Everything he did, he was there. Remus could be thankful for that. He always had Sirius's snide remarks in his ears, his not so appropriate comments, and his comforting words. But now, in this darkness, it was next to nothing. He needed his touch. He needed his kiss, his body, his soul. He needed his Sirius to be next to him, not only in his head.

_I miss you, miss you. ._

Remus wasn't sure how much more he could take, and it had only been one week. One bloody week. Since when was that enough to kill a man?

Since his man died.

The air was cold. Remus's curtains were parted, blowing in the wind. Brown, the color of chocolate. Sirius had teased him about the color scheme of his room many times. Remus's toes curled over the edge of his window sill. He never realized how tall two stories was.

_Don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head._

"Love." He said firmly. There he was, right on cue. "Love, no. Stop. Now."

Remus didn't move. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose. He loved hearing him, even though he would hate himself afterward.

"Remus. Move."

Remus stayed put, Sirius was getting annoyed. If he could be considered Sirius, the Sirius that was a figment of his imagination was more like it. He could picture his nose crinkling that way it always did when Sirius wasn't being listened to.

"Moony. Listen. Now. Get off the ledge. Lay back in your bed, I can't have you doing this. Not for me, not ever. It isn't your time, sweetheart. Come on."

Remus listened this time. He backed into his room, the wooden floor old under his feet. His palms were sweating. He wanted to fall. But he couldn't disobey his Sirius, he just couldn't. His face was wet with tears as he climbed back into bed.

_I miss you, miss you._

"I can't- Siri...I miss you so much...Siri..." his voice was filled with longing, choked with tears.

"I miss you too, Remi. I love you."

And with that, he was gone.

_I miss you, miss you._

--

Please tell me what you think. I wrote this all in one sitting, at midnight, so if it sucks, please inform me. C:


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